OK I was in the big town over today, and came away SEETHING at the shitty mothers day marketing. I know I seem to launch into a tirade every year, but BLOODY HELL can marketers of crap not get it into their heads that just becasue someone is a freaking MOTHER they don’t necessarily wish to be given a display of familial gratitude in the form of a GOD DAMN VACUUM CLEANER OR OTHER DOMESTIC CHORE RELATED ITEM.
And by the way, this blog post is directly aimed at older teenagers or young guys and recalcitrant FATHERS of young kiddies who seem to think it is not their duty to guide their small progeny in the ways of giving mum something she’ll actually REALLY LOVE instead of something she bloody well has to fake delight over. And believe me the FAKING DOES HAPPEN!
Lets go back to the basics first.
Why it is that when Father’s day rolls around, there is suddenly advertising for all sorts of great stuff like sports equipment and power tools and things you can do fun stuff with. And all the mothers wrack their brains about what caring/thoughtful gift the “father” would just love, then hustle their youngsters (generally well in advance of fathers day) along to guide their kiddies to pick out a nice thing that daddy could actually use AND like – along the lines that new golf club or ski rack for the vehicle or a great spanking new BBQ or flatscreen TV or the boxed set Indianna Jones DVD collection, while the older kiddies/teens/adults can manage just as suitably fun gifts like a sidchrome tools to add to dad’s set, tickets to the AFL grandfinal, a trip around the Bathurst race track, or a quality bottle of bourbon.
But when mum’s day commercialisation hits the ground running, for sure you see it advertised that “mum would LOVE an IRON or a TOASTER or WASHING MACHINE, or CLOTHES DRYER, or electric fucking BLANKET, etc etc etc***” as a token of your appreciation of her having had a child bloody well withdrawn from her body in a VERY UNPLEASANT MANNER that generally requires lots of stickybeaks peering into her nether-regions, poking and prodding places that should NOT be poked and prodded, insurmountable PAIN PAIN PAIN and stitching and medico’s and/or male partners asking dumb-arse questions like “are you comfortable” or “do you wish to see the head crowing” (and the million dollar answer on BOTH accounts to those questions is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)…
whoops, distracted there, I just had a nam style flashback…..
Basically my point is this. Dad basically does jack shit when it comes to bringing a baby into the world. So really, it should be that the big ticket LEISURE/FUN/OUTDOOR ACTIVITY/NON-HOUSEHOLD-CHORE-RELATED items are relegated to being the domain of the great goddesses that are mothers (along with the token sweet crappy stuff the kiddies make in school), and DADs should be targeted with the coffee mug/toaster/and stupid USB attachment gadget.
And the male leader of the family household that his wonderful wife so selflessly gave birth to should bloody well know better than to:
A) let the (young) kiddies decide wholers bowlers what mum would like. It is not that hard to guide the offspring. For example:
“No little Johnny, Mummy might not think a new pair of granny slippers is really necessary as her current very lovely Peter Alexander hot pink Uggs are still fine, how about we go look at the new release rock CD selection and grab her the latest Lily Allen or Kings of Leon disc – you an pick between those two…”
or
“Hmmm, ok sweet little Susie, mummy MAY appreciate you thinking of her need for a waffle iron so that she can make you a hot cooked breakfast on Saturdays, but perhaps she would think that an even better idea is that fantastic blu-ray player or the complete boxed set signed edition of the Sookie Stackhouse series of novels OR tickets to see Robbie Willaims – how about you choose between those things…”
You see this is how mums typically get the kids to buy something that dad might actually LIKE while still giving them the deciding power…. NOT.ROCKET.SCIENCE.DAD!!
B) Rush into panic buying mode and succumb to the mass marketing ploy that his young wife in her thirties who has bred him x number of fabulous kiddies would really think that the Celine Dion complete collection and biography would be on the money for something she would love. (this point also applies to the older “present buying aged” children who may individually be sucked in by crap advertising to decide something mum would love).
Really, the only time an appliance is acceptable is when the woman has SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED IT to be given as a gift – and if in doubt, see point 1 below on giving a VOUCHER instead.
SOOOO for any of the male population who have the mother/s of their children to think of on Sunday week OR offspring who are a bit older and needing to choose mum something she would like, here are some good suggestions of things to get for mothers day…
1. VOUCHERS – seriously, it is not hard to go wrong with these IF you can also show you gave some thought into buying a voucher to a place where she could have a bit of an indulge in something for herself – the beauty therapist for a pedi/mani/massage, any larger more quality store where she could choose something great, the great boutique she always likes to go into, the totally rad homewares store she stops and check out the window display of whenever you are in town, the jewellers, the online store she likes to screen-dow shop at, the hobby/activity/sporting store in line with things she likes to do on her downtime, or the multimedia outlet so she can pick the NOT Celine Dion complete collection and biography.
2. VERY EXPENSIVE NON-CHORE LIKE ELECTRICAL ITEMS*** – yup, we are talking the lcd/plasma screen, new iPod/sound system, wiiFit, recording system, computer/laptop, kick arse coffemaker (if she is into coffee), new DSLR camera, photoshop editing program etc etc.
3. EXPERIENCES - how about thinking if there is something she might like to go and do or see, explaining in a card that you wish to help her do it, and then after she says “YES THAT WOULD BE AWESOME” or “OMG THAT IS SO SWEET, BUT YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD LOVE “X” EVEN BETTER”, you go and make ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS as per her request so she can go and do it…. wether it is a dinner at a restuarant with her friends she hasn’t seen in years/family/couples she loves, tickets to pink or a night at the opera or a weekend at Uluru or a DFO shopping trip to Melbourne – do your best to facilite it to happen so that she doesn’t have to lift a finger!
4. CREATIVE STUFF – explain to her you would like to buy her some art or a photography or handmade piece, and then go with her when she picks it out – (word to the wise, do advise what your budget is, but for fucks sake make sure it is at least $50 bucks – you have 12 months at a time to save some bucks to get her something she would like – less than $1 per week people!!)
5. LIQUIDS & FOODSTUFFS – if she digs champane, BUY HER SOME BOLLY or other drop she likes, if she is into chocolate SPLURGE ON THOSE REALLY GOOD HANDMADE ONES. BOOK a restuarant and take her there! Drive her to the wineries so she can have a tasting day. SURPRISE her with a prepared gourmet cheese platter and other delights. CREATE a great hamper filled with her favourite coffee and tea, and include some of those from the gourmet grocer that she may not have tried before. FIND OUT HER FAVOURITE foodie things and give her the BEST OF IT that you can afford!
6. PERFUME/PAMERING – that is the easiest of all – find her favourite scent and BUY HER MORE, or organise a day of pamering.
FINALLY (yes, the tirade is nearing it’s end) - MAKE IT MEANINGFUL – mums will aways say something along the lines of “yes, the wonky clay item that was supposed to be a coffee mug but resembles a sad ashtray that little Richard made is just the best and I don’t need anything else” – but really, they are lying, and inside feeling sad that the more responsible/older members of the household (IE THE DAD) didn’t at least try to figure out something that might actually make mum happy on Mother’s Day.
So put a bit of effort into your gesture – wether it is brekkie in bed and getting out her fave DVD’s for a movie watching day, taking her on her favourite nature hike, or putting together a mixed CD of songs she might like, even if you don’t spend an extra cent on her on mother day, MAKE YOUR GESTURE A THOUGHTFUL ONE.
OK, going now. I am very glad to have gotten that off my chest.
(*** note the inclusion of a new KitchenAid mixer, “quality” coffee maker, and maid service that involves a shirtless hottie male doing the housework is exempt from this appliance diatribe.)
